Monday, 14 January 2008

Introducing... The Duck of Death's Celebrity Death Pool featuring the Duke of Edinburgh Memorial Gold Cup

They were dropping like flies last week.

Sir John Harvey-Jones. Sir Edmund Hillary. May the both rest in peace.

The world waits, breath baited, for a third dead knight in order to restore the balance of the universe. So far, one has not been forthcoming, and if I were Sir Cliff Richard, I would be shitting myself.

Or not, if you believe those colostomy bag rumours.

Any road up, the whole famous-people-buying-the-farm thing has reminded me of the site I used to run before this whole Scaryduck thing took off. It was called:

Grim Reaper's Celebrity Death Pool featuring the Queen Mother Jubilee Diamond Stakes and Pope John Paul II Steeplechase

It was mildly successful, and I had over 150 players by the time the whole thing *cough* died a death, simply because the whole thing required an enormous excel spreadsheet to administer, and frankly chewed up all my waking hours to keep running.

When the Queen Mum died, I was up until 2am three nights running updating the scores. The selfish swan-eating moo.

So: Time to revive the idea, only simpler and less time consuming.

I invite you, then, to tempt the cold hand of fate and enter:

The Duck of Death's Celebrity Death Pool featuring the Duke of Edinburgh Memorial Gold Cup

The rules are simple, but may get extremely complicated once I start making it up as you go along.

1. Choose THREE celebrities who you think may cark it in the next twelve months. Ten points per stiff

2. Choose one additional TRAGEDY PICK - a celebrity less than fifty years of age who you think may shuffle off this mortal coil before the end of 2008. Twenty points per stiff. Your list, then will have FOUR names on it.

3. Assuming that the old duffer's on his last legs: Using your skill and judgment, guess the date in 2008 that Prince Philip will join his royal ancestors. Twenty points for the nearest guess, with points awarded on a sliding scale for near-misses.

4. On the death of one of your team, you may select a new victim

5. The stalking and bloody assassination of celebrities in the pursuit of this game is actively encouraged

6. Extra points awarded - at my discretion - for ironic deaths

7. The following "death's door" celebrities are excluded from the game: Former Indonesian dictator Suharto, Death Row prisoners, anybody else I might add to this list

7.5 No minors. We may be sick, but we're not that sick. (Added 16 January)

8. I am the sole arbiter of what constitutes a celebrity. This includes film, TV and music stars; sports men and women; politicians; people famous for being famous. "Colin from Work" is not a celebrity.

Please leave your entries in the comments box by 31st January 2008, or email me at scaryduck [AT] fastmail [DOT] fm. The game starts immediately and will run until 31st December 2008, and a small, entirely worthless prize will be given to the winner.

Your scores, game news and loving obituaries will be posted on these pages.

Yes, I know. I'm a sick bastard. So are you for reading this far. Get in!


Tricky909 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Scott said...

Queen Elizabeth II
Margaret Thatcher
Terry Wogan
Britney Spears (tragic)
Phillip death -June 8th

Craig said...

Stephen Hawking (in a freak powerboating accident)
Either of the Darwins canoeists
Ian Huntley
Amy Winehouse (tragic)
HRH Phil-the-greek - August 12th

Wonderferret said...

M Thatcher (UK)
Former US of A President Carter
Keith Richards of the RollingStones

Celebrity Madeleine McCann

DoE deaded by 5 November

Tricky909 said...

Norman Wisdom
Frank Bough Feb 22
Fidel Castro

Jeremy Clarkson - tragic

Phil said...

Berni Ecclestone
George Bush (bonus points plz)
Paul Daniels

Amy Winehouse (tragic, but obvious)

Death of Prince Philly 01/04/2008

Ben said...

Eric Sykes
Norman Wisdom
Sir Dickie Attenborough

Katie Price (tragic)

Phillip death - 30 October

dafyd said...

Humphrey Lyttleton (alas)
John Simpson (friendly fire/explosion in Iraq/Afghanistan/USA)
Michael Parkinson
Robert Kilroy Silk (tragic)
Phillip: 1 August

Pete_Wonnacott said...

Michael Parkinson
Margaret Thatcher
Norman Wisdom

Robbie Williams

Phil - 19th September

Sim-O said...

Milk Snatcher
Ariel Sharon
Charlton Heston

Pete Doherty (Tragic, but not)

Phil the Greek - November 18.

CCB said...

Charlton Heston
Dennis Healey
Margaret Thatcher

Ross Kemp (tragic)

Phil - 30 May

RobR said...

Norman Wisdom
Fidel Castro

Tragic: Britney

Phil: Dec15

Possbert said...

Charlie Watts
Kirk Douglas
Dick Clark (him from American Bandstand)

(tragic) Someone from Eastenders. Or Corrie.

HRH Him Indoors November 3

Barry said...

Sir Patrick Moore
Fidel Castro
Mickey Rooney

Pete Doherty (semi-tragic)

Big Phil 8th July

midget_assassin said...

Sir Jimmy Saville
Sir Patrick Moore
Sir Roger Moore

Mabel the Blue Peter Dog (tragic)

Phil - December 31st

Rich said...

That bitch Thatcher (the sooner the better)
Ariel Sharon (his body should follow his brain)
Michael Foot (Argyle will never play in the Premiership so he might as well give up and go now)

Tragedy pick: Pete Doherty

Phil the Greek: 16 July

poons said...

Patrick Moore
Norman Wisdom

Britney (Tragic *cough*)

Phil - July 23rd

justin said...

Tony Benn
Ming Campbell
(so as to have proportional representation)

Dara O'Briain (very tragic -- sorry, Dara)

Phil: The Ides of March

Wonder Woman said...

Norman Wisdom
Ozzy Osbourne
Amy Winehouse

Britney Spears (tragi-comedy)

PTG 18th October

barefootnoknickers said...

Britney (waste of human organs)
Amy Winehouse (waste of DNA)
Stephen Hawkings (proved dead & was secretly being opperated by fluck & Law all the time)
little maddie (tragically proves there is no god)
my favourite slippers (may they RIP)
maggie simpson ( couldnt get anyone to do the voice over since Britney died)
& my fav death to look forward to, my bloody neigbours cat if it comes in and pisses in my kitchen again

barefootnoknickers said...

ohhh and phil the greek & george bush...hopefully will never die..I couldnt live in a world without their polystrenes & fuzzy wuzzies...

CAE said...

Nancy Reagan
Bobby Robson (sadly)
Thatcher (erm, not sadly)

Tragedy: Owen Wilson

HRH: October 29th

The Man Behind The Bar... said...

Bobby Charlton
Fidel Castro
Sir Bobby Robson
(Arthur Scargill, if Sir Bob is disqualified)

Tragic: Letitia Dean, in a bizarre horse-bumming incident. The horse will unexpectedly cough, and she'll be sucked right up it's arse and suffocate. Children will weep.

Phillius el Greco: 7th of Never. The old git will live forever.

Pseudonymph said...

Michael Caine
Willy 'yee hah' Nelson
Jack Nicholson

'tragi-obvious' Amy Crackhouse

His Dukieness 17 April

Stewie said...

David Jason
Kate Moss
Liza Minelli

Amir Khan (tragic car crash)

DoK December 25th, Merry Christmas