Reg Varney 1916-2008

Much loved comic actor from ITV series On The Buses.

We never watched it because it was a) common and b) on 'the other side'. But apparantly, people actually thought it was quite good and spawned a catchphrase from that fright-faced bloke who still isn't quite dead.

Surprisingly, doesn't score any points for anybody.

No longer on the buses.

On The Hearses.

Paul Newman 1925-2008

Much loved movie star, racing driver, humanitarian and salad dressing guy who dies this weekend at the age of 83, after a battle with cancer.

The star of some of the finest films to come out of Hollywood, the veteran actor had to wait until 1986 to pick up his Academy Award for his role in The Color of Money.

Nobody - NOBODY - had poor, dead P. Newman as a game choice, so no scores to update.

Well, knock me down with a pointed stick...

...I could have sworn at least one of you had poor, dead Estelle Getty. She's gone, and now your fantasy of a three-up with the Queen Mum is dead and buried with her.

Onwards!

Recent deaths

- Bo Diddley

- Yves Saint Laurent

Full site update when I've got time.

Tommy Burns 1956-2008

Legendary Celtic footballer, who had a spell managing the club, succumbed to skin cancer.

Well-loved in the world of football, he scored more than fifty goals for Celtic in a career that lasted nearly twenty years. Less successful as a manager, he found it tough going managing the Bhoys, and his spell at Reading south of the border was short-lived.

Although a candidate for the role as Scotland boss, he never took the job, preferring to work at Celtic Park as a coach. Sadly missed.

Albert Hofmann 1906-2008

Albert Hofmann.

Born.

Invented LSD.

Died at the age of 102.

Went on a trip.

Scores points for CCB.

Humphrey Lyttelton 1921-2008

With great sadness we announce the death of one of radio's greatest wits and musicians Humphrey "Humph" Lyttelton.

Revered for his sardonic wit and legendary double entendres, Humph chaired the Radio 4 panel show "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" to an adoring audience. He was also the first jazz musician to have a top twenty hit, remaining active on the stage right up to his death.

One of the true greats.

Scores 10 points for Dafyd.

Mark Speight: 1965-2008

Mark Speight, the well-known and mouch-loved rubber-faced children's TV presenter has been found dead in London. Suicide is suspected.

Speight, known for presenting the long-running television programme 'SMart', was said to have been depressed following the drugs-related death of his fiancee Natasha Collins, disappearing just days after the inquest into her demise.

A sad end to a cautionary tale of the dangers of drug misuse, Speight will be much missed by those in the entertainment industry.

Current game standings

The sad demise of movie legend Charlton Heston brings new names to the leaderboard. If you are one of the four who have scored points this week, you are entitled to replace your celebrity stiff with a new potential victim. Email me or leave a comment.

Despite his recent illness HRH The Duke of Edinburgh remains off the prohibited list. The man is immortal, and making a mockery of this game.

20 - John

10 - CCB
10 - Jackal
10 - Kolonel
10 - Sim-o
10 - Pieboy32
10 - Robert Hart
10 - Ninjabadger

Charlton Heston 1923-2008

Hollywood legend who won an Oscar for his performance in the classic Ben Hur, cementing his fame with a series of roles in Hollywood blockbusters.

As the age of the screen epic died, Heston reinvented himself, "daming them all to hell" in his memorable performance in Planet of the Apes.

Away from Hollywood, Heston courted controversy - and widespread acclaim - for his support and eventual figurehead position in the pro-gun National Rifle Association, famously declaring that the only way he'd give up his shooting irons would be to have them "pried from my cold, dead hands". A specialist team is doing just that as we speak.

Star, patriot, shooter. Dead.

Scores points for CCB, Jackal, Kolonel and Sim-o. Updated scorecard will appear later.

Brian Wilde 1921-2008

Comic actor Brian Wilde has died suddely at the age of 86 in a week that has seen British celebrities dropping like flies.

Blessed with two memorable roles in Britain's best-loved situation comedies - Porridge and Last of the Summer Win - his many fans will remember him both as the put-upon prison officer Mr Barrowclough and the old soldier-cum-dreamer Foggy Dewhirst.

A son of the county of Lancashire, he will be sorely missed in his home county, despite his best-known role being that of a Yorkshireman.

Also dead: Oscar-winning actor Paul Schofield 1922-2008

Latest game standings

Following the carnage of the last 24 hours - proving that deaths always come in threes if the stabilty of the universe is to be maintained - now is a good time as any to update the leaderboard.

20: John

10: Ninjabadger
10: Pieboy32
10: Robert Hart

0: Everybody else

Arthur C Clarke 1917-2008

Legendary science fiction author Sir Arthur C Clarke finally departs the planet, after years of unfounded rumours of his demise.

Author of the classic "2001: A Space Odyssey", Clarke was one of the great thinkers who brought much of what was science fiction into what is now science fact.

Clarke was the first to suggest geo-stationary satellites - which are now in everyday use for communications and television, while research continues on his idea of a "space elevator" which would make costly rocket launches obsolete.

Scores game points for Robert Hart (who chooses Nelson Mandela as a replacement), Ninjabader and Pieboy32.

Anthony Mingella 1954-2008

Academy Award-winning film director, taken from us at the age of 54.

Minghella picked up his Oscar for his film The English Patient, and was also known for the iconic chick-flick Truly, Madly, Deeply as well as The Talented Mr Ripley and Cold Mountain.

A hugely talented individual, his death is a great loss to the entertainment industry.

Captain Birdseye 1922-2008

Flags fly at half-mast wherever salty sea dogs may be found as Captain Birdseye - aka actor John Hewer dies at the age of 86.

An icon of British popular culture, there was an outcry when Hewer was replaced by a younger, and frankly inferior, model several years ago.

Let me see: Five fishfingers. Two minutes in the microwave. Slap between two slices of fresh bread with loads of ketchup. Om nom nom nom.

Yaaaaarrrrrr!

Death's Door Celebrity Update

Invoking Rule 7 on Death's Door Celebrities - PATRICK SWAYZE is currently excluded from game death lists until he either carks it, or starts feeling a lot better.

So there.

Dead Pool Scoreboard: IT IS HERE

I've finally got my arse into gear and have uploaded the game scoreboard onto the net in handy Excel format.

IT IS HERE

That is all.

Paul Raymond 1925-2008

Porn baron, night club owner, property billionaire, spiv.

Paul Raymond was the daddy of British smut and jazz, opening the infamous Raymond's Revue Bar in 1957, and operating such legendary top-shelf titles as Razzle and Men Only.

Rumoured to be worth over a billion thanks to astute property dealings in central London, Raymond goes to his grave remembered as the "King of Porn". The lights at Loaded, Nuts and Zoo should be dimmed on this news, for they'd be nowhere without Raymond's influence in the field of naked tarts.

The public expects one, final Razzle pile-up at his funeral. It's what he would have wanted.

A bit like this, really. Look at the handles on that.

From the Ironic Deaths department

From fark.com:

The advertising executive who came up with the McDonald's "I'm lovin' it" slogan not lovin' it.

That is all.

Roy Scheider 1932-2008

"You're gonna need a bigger coffin"

Game closed for new entries

We are now CLOSED for new entries into this game.

I will be posting the Excel spreadsheet with all 62 game entries and the current leaderboard, such that it is in the next day or so.

Best of luck to all of you. Unless you are old and famous, obviously.

Jeremy Beadle 1948-2008

Comedian, entertainer, radio presenter, practical joker - Jeremy Beadle dies at the age of 59 having entertained millions in a decades-long career blighted by unwarranted criticism, and - in later years - severe illness.

Known either as the funniest man on TV to his fans, or a spack-handed annoyance to his critics, there's no denying that, at the height of his fame, Beadle could pull in viewing figures of over ten million for his Saturday night practical joke showpiece "Beadle's About".

Starting his career in radio, Beadlebum - as he was known to his Capital Radio listeners - soon graduated to TV with the genre-busting "Game for a Laugh", before breaking out on his own as a noted practical joker. He was also - years before Harry Hill made it funny again - the original host of the long-running clip-show "You've Been Framed".

Despite the huge viewing figures for "Beadle's About", the press dubbed him "the most hated man on TV", when, in reality, he was the complete opposite, having raised millions for leukemia charities for which he was awarded an MBE.

One cannot help, despite thewidespread coverage of his death from pneunomia, that this is nothing but Beadle's last, greatest practical joke. As the coffin is carried into the church, a familiar voice will say: "But wait! Who's the mystery pallbearer?"

No points scored for Beadle in the game, but no less than three people have contacted me this evening with the news of his passing. Big it up to Cliff for the funeral gag.

Suharto 1921-2008

President - some would say Dictator - of Indonesia for more than three decades, Suharto led the country through a time of rapid change in which Indonesia emerged at the dominant power in the Asia-Pacific region.

his rule, though, was riddled with corruption and human rights abuses, leading to the deaths of thousands.

As with any such leader with the blood of so many on his hands, the best that can be said is that he made the trains run on time.

And we sold him shitloads of guns.

No score in this game, as he was on the 'Death's Door' exclusion list.

Game News

With just a week to go until the game closes for entries, we already have a perfectly managable 55 players on board and the fetid corpse of one celebrity stiff.

A few people haven't chosen an under-50 Tragedy Pick, or predicted a date for the sad demise of the Duke of Edinburgh. It isn't too late to change your entry if you are one of these people.

Current scorecard:

John: 20 points
Everybody else: Bugger all

John replaces poor, dead Heath Ledger with poor, not-quite-dead Sienna Miller.

That is all.

Heath Ledger 1979-2008

Heath Ledger 1979-2008

And so we're off, with the first untimely celebrity death to be reported on these pages.

A sad one it is, too, for it is our sad duty to report the demise of Australian-born actor Heath Ledger, found dead in a Manhattan apartment.

Seen as a rising star in Hollywood, Ledger was nominated for an Academy Award for his role in the 'gay cowboy' movie Brokeback Mountain.

Police suspect a drug overdose. He leaves a young family.

Sadly missed.

Scores 20 'tragedy pick' points for John

Slight admin post

Hello!

We've got 39 players in the game already. Welcome, especially those of you who want to see Margaret Thatcher dead. And for the other two, you're welcome as well.

A slight rule change which I had in the last game I ran:

7.5 No minors. We may be sick, but we're not that sick.

This will only change one entry thus far. No names, no pack drill, nobody's getting told off or embarrassed, but I'm afraid The Toddler of All Our Hearts is strictly off-limits on this site.

Introducing... The Duck of Death's Celebrity Death Pool featuring the Duke of Edinburgh Memorial Gold Cup

They were dropping like flies last week.

Sir John Harvey-Jones. Sir Edmund Hillary. May the both rest in peace.

The world waits, breath baited, for a third dead knight in order to restore the balance of the universe. So far, one has not been forthcoming, and if I were Sir Cliff Richard, I would be shitting myself.

Or not, if you believe those colostomy bag rumours.

Any road up, the whole famous-people-buying-the-farm thing has reminded me of the site I used to run before this whole Scaryduck thing took off. It was called:

Grim Reaper's Celebrity Death Pool featuring the Queen Mother Jubilee Diamond Stakes and Pope John Paul II Steeplechase
It was mildly successful, and I had over 150 players by the time the whole thing *cough* died a death, simply because the whole thing required an enormous excel spreadsheet to administer, and frankly chewed up all my waking hours to keep running.

When the Queen Mum died, I was up until 2am three nights running updating the scores. The selfish swan-eating moo.

So: Time to revive the idea, only simpler and less time consuming.

I invite you, then, to tempt the cold hand of fate and enter:

The Duck of Death's Celebrity Death Pool featuring the Duke of Edinburgh Memorial Gold Cup


The rules are simple, but may get extremely complicated once I start making it up as you go along.

1. Choose THREE celebrities who you think may cark it in the next twelve months. Ten points per stiff

2. Choose one additional TRAGEDY PICK - a celebrity less than fifty years of age who you think may shuffle off this mortal coil before the end of 2008. Twenty points per stiff. Your list, then will have FOUR names on it.

3. Assuming that the old duffer's on his last legs: Using your skill and judgment, guess the date in 2008 that Prince Philip will join his royal ancestors. Twenty points for the nearest guess, with points awarded on a sliding scale for near-misses.

4. On the death of one of your team, you may select a new victim

5. The stalking and bloody assassination of celebrities in the pursuit of this game is actively encouraged

6. Extra points awarded - at my discretion - for ironic deaths

7. The following "death's door" celebrities are excluded from the game: Former Indonesian dictator Suharto, Death Row prisoners, anybody else I might add to this list

7.5 No minors. We may be sick, but we're not that sick. (Added 16 January)

8. I am the sole arbiter of what constitutes a celebrity. This includes film, TV and music stars; sports men and women; politicians; people famous for being famous. "Colin from Work" is not a celebrity.

Please leave your entries in the comments box by 31st January 2008, or email me at scaryduck [AT] fastmail [DOT] fm. The game starts immediately and will run until 31st December 2008, and a small, entirely worthless prize will be given to the winner.

Your scores, game news and loving obituaries will be posted on these pages.

Yes, I know. I'm a sick bastard. So are you for reading this far. Get in!